|Sparkly season should be every season. Please don't fight me.|
We made it! Kinda... I think?
Today, we're going to reflect and kind of talk about goals. No, before you leave, I just want to say that I don't have any.
Well, not that I don't have any. It just feels like every year, I write something amazing down, don't accomplish something, and fall into an extremely discouraging sense of failure. Repeat. It's not fun. I don't know why I've been doing it for years. Make it stop.
I've been contemplating how to move forward with today's entry for some time. Weeks passed by, then last minute, I decided to look back on my very first entry on my blog (since rebranding). This was what I'd closed with:
"I want to be present with others so I can foster my relationships. I want my faith to strengthen and to carry me past my doubts. I want to continue unlocking my mind to improve my acting and I want to be braver doing it. I want to give my time to focus on gaining quality experiences, developing skills, exploring new hobbies - all the things that will help fuel my creativity & help me see the beauty in this life..."
- Marr, A New Year + 2019 Recap
Did I accomplish what I wanted to? Yes and no.
"I want to be present with others so I can foster my relationships."
I wanted my online presence to be more intentional and more vulnerable. I tried to be more conscious about the things that I shared and the way I approached people online and I hope those who consumed my content felt this. I truly believe that the new friendships I made last year came about because I decided to be more vulnerable and be truer to who I was. It was challenging but I'm glad I decided to be more open. Honestly, if it weren't for social media, I probably would've lost more (if not all) of my social skills. So thank you to everyone who continued to interact through my Instagram story shenanigans.
"I want my faith to strengthen and to carry me past my doubts."
To be quite frank, I was frustrated a lot this year, and every time I cooled down to reflect, I'd feel rash directing blame towards the constant Love in my life- doubting and questioning, "why, why, why?" Even after I'd lifted up my troubles- charged with anger and confusion- my prayers were still being answered, usually, in ways I hadn't even expected. I know deep in my soul that I'm never alone because of this. Another year of spiritual growth passes and I've been gifted another year to experience my beautiful life. So we try again.
"I want to continue unlocking my mind to improve my acting and I want to braver in doing it. I want to give my time to focus on gaining quality experiences, developing skills, exploring new hobbies..."
There was a lot of imposter syndrome type stuff happening and that really killed whatever self-confidence I had but I'm getting better.
I've been fortunate to have had the opportunity to explore my creativity. I know that for many who struggled this year, that was not the case and it just couldn't be. So, for this privilege, I'm incredibly grateful and I hope that I maximized this time in meaningful ways.
Though the pandemic did put dampers on some career goals I had for myself, I'm so grateful that technology allowed artists to audition electronically through video conferences and self-tapes. I'm hoping this new year will bring more opportunities to pursue my career safely.
|hey, what's up, hello|
Going back on the topic of goals, though. I do have some hopes for 2021 but I'd like to let those sit in the quiet of my heart until whichever day I'm ready to share them. For me, saying them out loud feels like carving onto stone and I'm always changing my mind. So I'm going to let my goals evolve with me from now on. With that being said, there is one thing I've been meaning to do for years now that I'm so excited to share with you.
I feel like it's over-due AF and I'm absolutely thrilled to discover and to navigate through this creative medium as a creator. I want to thank you all again for sticking around with me during 2020 in this little corner of the internet.
I hope you allow yourself peace and joy to surround you today and all days, wherever you are.
Live every minute.
Always with love,
P.S. Go watch Soul on Disney+. Beautiful and brilliantly written.