Let's Sit for A Bit

Hello.

    The last half of 2023 was eventful. 

    I spent more time fostering relationships and experiencing new things. I feel like that period of my life was the most social I'd ever been since my post-grad modeling and "blogger" era (y'all remember that?). I continued to do things on my terms and I'm really proud of that.

    While heading out to a holiday show this past December, a friend of mine asked me what I'd learned from the year. I took a moment to think about it, flashing back through all the notable events and milestones of this season. I'm so much stronger than I gave myself credit for.

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"In pursuit of healing, I was met with everything..."
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    Last August, I experienced a deep disappointment. I was mourning the loss of a long term relationship that I believed in with my whole heart. I was ready, for a really long time, to be a wife- to become family with someone I cared for and loved deeply. But it was time to part ways. I was experiencing grief for so many things: the person, the friends I had formed my life around, and who I'd been. I had no words about it for a while. There wasn't anything left to say.

    I thought that maybe the pain of losing previous relationships would at least cushion the heartbreak I felt but it did not. And so I buried myself in my work... as one does.

    It was a lot and I was really struggling.

    I was so angry at everything during that time. I was so hurt. I was so sad. 

    So I packed my bags and flew away to Boston (I live my life like a movie, what can I say). I just needed to get the fuck out of Texas. Reflecting from a distance felt like the move.

    Another good friend of mine was so kind to host me and to show me around the city they called home. It meant so much to me: getting to know my friend more (if you're reading this Hugo, I'm sending you a virtual hug. I hope life is loving you, Mayor), experiencing new people, and going on a new adventure everyday that I was there. I took so many pictures of where we went and shared it with my family. I made little photo carousels for them describing the events of the day. I had the time of my life y'all. 

    It was the best way to re-center myself. I had released myself from something that had been weighing me down for so long. I felt lighter. I came back to Texas recharged and open to the possibilities of the new year. I felt like I healed what I could in Massachusetts.

The light that was coming into the studio was so pretty yall. I probably shouldn't have been staring as long as I did.

    Every move I made terrified me to my core. I didn't know if anything I was doing was the "right thing" to do. When you put all your trust in someone and in something and it falls apart, how else does the mind sink? Still, I knew that I needed to keep moving forward regardless of who wanted to come with me or not. It was important that I chose myself this time. I was tired of waiting for things to change.

    The closing of that chapter reminded me of what I found important in life and what I valued in relationships. I found comfort through my faith. I found support by leaning on loved ones. I asked for their time and their presence and they so graciously provided safe spaces for me. I did this while putting into practice everything I was discovering through therapy and self reflection. In pursuit of healing, I was met with everything- the frustrations, the fun (and not so fun) surprises and the reminders of all the precious gifts that have always made my life feel so full.

Healing.

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My name is Marr Aragon.

I'm a Filipino American actor, photographer, and aspiring filmmaker in Dallas, Texas.

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